Gauche
ArtisticI never would have believed people cared so little about their dignity. Anything for a buck I suppose. Mum picked the virgin to date her son - I'm shocked. The boyfriends a cunt, the girlfriends a snide little bitch, the mothers a control freak and the dad is bored. Americans are freaks. No offense...unless you're American. Anyway, I was distracted by the people who think yoga is a good activity for a date.I have paints. proper. acceptable. quality. Gauche acrylics. Primary colours, black and white. I should have got the crap ones to muck around with, but I'm an idiot. It cost me almost forty bucks just for five small tubes.(fuck, what the hell is WITH these people!? You date someone, albeit a snide bitch, for eight month, and the first chick your mother picks out for you you cum your pants? Grow some balls. And big blue eyes? How about Big Bouncy Boobs)I don't know why I'm so bitter right now. Failing social life? A little worse than usual, but when isn't it. Love life?
Brilliant. School work?. Pointless. Art?
um. I can't read. I'm turning this off. Music on. By the way, sorry for my standards in the past. And sorry for my lack of standards in the past. Lets admit it, as I was blubbering a few nights ago, (so I'm told - don't remember much of what I said) everything is more or less my fault. That means something different to everyone, but it's all relevant. Sometimes you feel like things have changed for no particular reason. Or that they've changed for so many reasons.Or two things change almost simultaneously and people come along and all of a sudden you realize that everything is just relativity - time is just dependent on the relation of a clocks hands and the suns rise and fall, space is just the relation between two objects, direction is just the relation between north and south and you are just the relation between other people. All anyone is is a composite of different events that shaped their perceptions. So you, the individual you, what makes you special...it's about as real as time or space or direction. So no ones life had direction because there is no such thing. When you're in a fragile...that's not the best word. (but, it's the first that comes to mind)...state even small encounters shake your foundations. It's amazing there isn't more insanity in the world. I want a bigger vocabulary. Or just some lists of synonyms. I'm going back again but in more of a healthier way than any of the other digressions. I want to get pregnant and raise my child in a slum. Just to see if love is a stronger event than environment. A relativity test with people. I shall be the next Einstein. Well, maybe I don't. But, it would be interesting. Though I suppose you would need to test it on a larger scale, just in case a mothers love was lacking, or a slum was suddenly overcome with community spirit. It's late. that's why I'm weird. I normally at least act normal, or what passes of as it.
To conclude:
sycophant.
Just because it's an awesome word.
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